Stages of romance dating psychology
That's why I developed the RAM." The RAM is Van Epp's Relationship Attachment Model, which includes a diagram that looks like a stereo equalizer and shows you how to tune a relationship by moving the levers up in a specific order—Knowing, Trusting, Relying, Committing, then Touching. Once you've got answers to some of those questions, you might trust him with a confidence or opinion or special item.
Tune Your Relationship"We all have stereotypes and we project them onto people—for instance, policemen are responsible," says Van Epp. " Van Epp tells his clients that before they get involved emotionally or physically with a man, they need to look past his surface attributes. (Though at first, it shouldn't be something too important—like a grandmother's ring.) As the Trust lever moves up, the Rely lever can inch up, too. "Ask someone to water plants before you ask him to feed the dog.
The class helped her look at how Lewis might realistically behave in a marriage and to determine that it wasn't the kind of relationship she wanted.
After the course, she confronted Lewis about how badly he was treating her.
"But if he says, 'I don't think I'm the marrying kind' or 'I like you but I can't marry someone who has children/a dog/isn't my religion', she might want to think about protecting herself." It's a lesson that a woman we'll call Ella Jamison learned the hard way.For instance, you're very touched when he invites you to spend the night. Pretty soon your lease is up and since you're at his place most of the time anyway, you give up your apartment. Both men and women can be commitment-phobes, but Stanley believes that contemporary culture makes men especially disinclined to marry. A 2001 study found that 94 percent of young adults expect a soul mate for a life partner.In his experience, women tend to outgrow this fantasy, but a significant number of men say the reason they're not marrying their live-in girlfriend is that they're not sure she's "the one." His research also indicates that men worry that marriage will make women want children sooner and that men associate the institution with a risk of financial loss.And do that before relying on him to pick up your kids," he says.Once someone's proven dependable, Van Epp says it's time to start upping the Touch lever.
So cohabitation gives a man all the benefits of companionship without the risks of marriage.