Sister dating a loser
If wedding plans are under way, tell her that you will cancel the party—and she can cancel the relationship.
Say, “I will call all the vendors and try to get your deposits back, plus, I’ll work with your family to take care of the rest of the wedding details.” Lifting these practical burdens may be all she needs to send her boyfriend packing.
Don’t say, “We can’t believe you are going to throw your life away by marrying this idiot.” Instead, you can say, “It’s difficult for me to be honest with you because I am afraid it might damage our friendship.” This may give her permission to be honest with herself and open the door for further communication.
We use this approach a lot in therapy, and it is a wonderful tool for defusing difficult conversations.
For example, “I have always admired your compassion for others; you deserve to be treated the same way.” Start with a compliment, and she may be more receptive to what you are telling her.
You understand your friend’s strengths and weaknesses. Try to sit down with her and share your concerns in a way that does not come across as judgmental.
You make excuses for not wanting to spend time with them because he makes your skin crawl. By approaching the conversation in this way, you might have a better chance of actually being heard. There is a good chance your friend will ignore you (or, even worse, end your friendship), but you owe it to her to say something.
You slowly drift apart, and the very thing you were trying to avoid (losing her as a friend) happens anyway. Your friendship has already been impacted; just look at Option 1. Don’t just assume she is going to drop you if you share how you really feel. What if she were desperately waiting for someone to give her permission to call it off? Yes, she might get defensive, or it may damage your friendship.
, let you in on how to tell them, gently: We can’t go anywhere without someone asking us, “How can I tell my friend-daughter-sister-niece-cousin she is dating the wrong guy?
Even if it's just them putting their arms around each other, or giving each other a quick peck on the lips, it gives you the shivers because EWWWW. Which is why when your sister asks you for sex advice, you totally freak out.
But you have to put on a brave face and pretend you're totally cool with it, so she'll take your advice seriously.8.
Frame your concerns by starting with “I.” For example: “I feel so uncomfortable when he puts you down and calls you names.” Or say, “I really worry about how isolated you have become since you got engaged to him.” She is much less likely to become defensive with this approach than if you tell her, “You are dating a jackass!
” Help your friend by eliminating any excuses she has for not ending the relationship.
You wonder if you were as strange and immature as your sister is when you see their text messages. You're in a constant battle with yourself between being the cool older sister and the protective older sister.