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Welcome to "Un Slut," a column about the toxic culture of bullying and slut shaming by Emily Lindin, founder of The Un Slut Project, director of "Un Slut: A Documentary Film," and author of "Un Slut: A Diary and a Memoir."We grow up learning that a woman’s sexuality must be carefully controlled by someone other than the woman herself.It’s one of the reasons we’re still so uncomfortable acknowledging female masturbation. But your sexuality is not one of those things, and it’s time to stop acting like it is.And nothing that you've done or could ever do in the future would make it your fault. When you're already hooking up with someone, shouting "NO! Maybe you just want to slow things down without bringing everything to a halt.If you think you might want to be sexual with someone in the future, just not today, it’s important to communicate that clearly.
But be careful not to shame them — it can be hard to bring up a desire your partner might judge as weird!
Even if you have consented to something already, you can rescind that consent whenever you feel like it.
But understanding this concept is one thing – putting it into practice is another.
Delayed gratification is completely okay and, for what it's worth, can actually be attractive, so take advantage of that.
Start with something like, “I’m really into you," to assure your partner that you're not shutting this down forever.
When there's one thing you don't want to do.