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Without it we believe ‘it’s everyone else’s fault and problem’ and we don’t change ourself.
Self-accountability is not about accepting ‘blame’ – it is about making the decision to heal and grow and become better as a result of the pain.
Statements such as: How could I have stayed so long? When we understand why and how we can accept what happened to us without judgement – we start recovering.
This means we need to face, embrace and support our unhealed parts without pain and without self-judgment.
Recently on the NARC Facebook Group I showed an example of recognising my unhealed parts that allowed my abuse to take place.In fact many, many people who were narc abused are very capable and independent people, yet When we are ready to honestly confront and take responsibility (not make it about anyone else but ourself) for these questions from a true soul level, we are in a position to start getting well.If you are not able to embrace and honestly start working with these questions, it is because you are stuck in your ego.And most certainly your relationship with the narcissist has been all about him or her, rather than you.It is usual that due to the narcissist blaming you, and because your emotions have felt so tormented, you have become critical of yourself rather than supportive.
There are two types of healing I consistently see in relation to narcissistic abuse – and they are truly polar opposites – one being non-healing, where the ability to thrive let alone basically recover is stunted, and true-healing whereby the individuals thrives and creates a much more empowered self as a result of being narcissistically abused. We grow by using our narcissistic experience to heal and change our life for the better.